Who was I trying to fool? People only look at my license when I am standing directly in front of them and my actual size is abundantly evident.
Why did I care? In the not so unlikely event that an officer stops me, do I think he will show more mercy on a more petite woman? Well, yes, I do. However, to my knowledge, there is no sliding scale of fines based on the weight of the one ticketed.
Weight is a relatively inconsequential problem, but it illustrates a personal default. I am troubled by the ease with which I lie to myself, a subject I covered in a previous blog post. This flaw is particularly disappointing because I strive in all areas to be open and above board. I am repulsed by lies and gravitate toward truth.
I recently acquired some insight into this discrepancy between who I announce myself to be and how I actually behave. The term is aspirational value. Learning the difference between aspirational values and actualized ones provides a ray of hope to this troubled soul.
Aspirational values propel you toward a better future. Aspirational values provide you a benchmark for improvement. They are an incentive and often a pacesetter. The lower weight I claimed was an aspirational value, representing how I saw myself and serving as a goal to reach.
I am scrutinizing the discrepancies between who I am and who I claim to be in light of my intentions to be the woman I want to become. Sometimes I have to face the difficult truth that an area of self-talk holds no basis in either fact or aspiration. I can declare it a lie and walk away. More often than not, I see that who I say I am paints an inspiring picture of who I long to be.
When you hear me declare I am a something other than who you know me to be, offer me grace. I am a woman in process, longing to be more than I currently am.
But one thing I do [it is my one aspiration]: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the [supreme and heavenly] prize to which God in Christ Jesus is calling us upward. (Philippians 3:13-14 Amplified Bible)